The Choo Conundrum !

Conundrum: kəˈnəndrəm – noun - a confusing and difficult problem or question.

1.  a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2.  a question or problem having only a conjectural answer                                                        

(Source: my friend Google and my very old friend, Merriam Webster)

Choo Conundrum: The sexist conundrum where an entire half of human population is grappling with why the other half loses its moorings when it comes to shoes; named after a high end shoe brand ‘Jimmy Choo’ that has triggered this in many households across the globe.

 Additional explanation: There are women of different hair color, body fat,    skin tone, sexual preference, nail shapes, body piercings in this world yet all  unified in this affliction of being hopelessly in love with shoes. The more    financial independence women gain, the more ubiquitous the red soles      become. The more comforts of a modern lifestyle they have, the higher and  more bizarre heels they buy.

 (Source: yours truly)

One blog post cannot even begin to delve into all the nuances of the Choo Conundrum; however, wanted to share a related personal experience (1) and few subsequent discussions (2) & (3) with my male and female friends.

1. An Equivocal Birthday Gift

   

Object of Interest

My story 

A couple of years ago, the boy gifted me my very own first pair of Jimmy Choos. I had been dreaming of owning a pair for long and finally it fructified into beautiful red patent leather Mary Janes with 5 inches on them. Like first  love, this was special and brought me tears of joy.  Then I wore them on my  birthday and they brought me more tears, this time of pain. I’m prone to  shoes bites and take ages to break into a shoe but for shoes that cost an  island’s GDP, I expected a miracle. It was not to be!

Wearing a beautiful black tulle dress with those red shoes, I had planned to glide around town on my birthday in Vegas. Now, for folks familiar with  Vegas, it takes 5 mins of walk to even glide from your room to the hotel lobby. So, despite taking every mode of transport (taxis, limos, human back) possible to avoid walking; a slow painful realization hit me as the night progressed. These shoes are not made for walking! So, I did what you can  do on your birthday. I smiled a little wider while I died a little inside with  every step. This continued till we reached Tao (Venetian’s night club) where  I desperately clamored for the flip flops they provide to ladies for exactly the  same reason!

Needless to say, I don’t get shoes for my birthday anymore.

Boy’s story or my interpretation of the boy’s story J

2 years ago I bought my girlfriend some expensive pair of shoes for her birthday. This was during our long distance relationship and I was visiting her in New York from Mumbai for her birthday. As expected, I was at a loss for what to get for her birthday and did what any smart  person would do in such a situation. I took her shopping (not such a smart  idea in hindsight). They were shiny bright red shoes which made her look taller than me and apparently were a dream come true. The name Jimmy Choo (Choo is an abbreviation of a choice Hindi word for “idiot”) made me smirk and the price made my heart sink. She was undeniably in love and me unquestionably in debt! I spent close to my 2 months’ rent on those shoes and had planned to go hungry for months (another bad idea in hindsight)

Most post purchase details are pretty vague in my mind, probably because I was starving but what I distinctly remember though is that they gave her shoe bites!!! She wore them on her birthday in Vegas and I am pretty sure that I saw tears in her eyes, which she heroically claimed to be borne out of joy but still wanted to pay a cab to take her from the lobby to hotel entrance.

Needless to say, I learnt not to be a Choo and hence, never buy any more of Jimmy’s or Timmy’s shoes.

  

2. Pretentious Heels 

  A Female Friend’s Perspective 

  Which woman with even a single active fashion brain cell does not aspire for   some great pair of shoes from iconic brands? How many times have you         heard lust, love and pride all drip out in one mellifluous word when a woman   adoringly talks about her Choos, Louboutins, Manolos, Diors, Zanottis or       Giambattista vallis. Yeah, we love them and we love to strut and show off !

A Male Friend’s Perspective 

If we are talking about dropping names and being pretentious, I sometimes cannot believe my ears when I hear a female friend struggle with simple words in French or Italian but fluently spew out these tongue twister shoe brands like they have been sung as lullabies. Remind me which ones are those again…the Choos, the red sole ones, the one from the movie with the four crazy women in New York, the usual suspect Italian brands and then there are names I cannot even pronounce.

3. S&M

 A Female Friend’s Perspective 

 Shoes I believe play to women’s masochistic tendencies, as with great shoes  comes great pain. Anyone, who has worn killer heels for more than a few  nanoseconds, will agree. But the glee when you see eyes light up in  admiration has the potential to nullify any current or future pain due to a  busted heel, a sprained ankle or the momentous effort it takes you to stay  standing; perfect foil for S&M, don’t you think? 

A Male Friend’s Perspective 

Well, I do love to watch women in heels, but those should be restricted to bedrooms, magazines and movies. Women however have a different kind of foot fetish I think. The envy they want to and can inflict on other women due to a pair of shoes, exemplifies purest form of sadism known to womankind. Foot fetish or not, I don’t get why women go crazy for heels when they are bad for their feet, back, mood and libido. Oh yeah, watch her strut in high heels on a date and all you get to give is a foot rub. J

Caveat Emptor: All views expressed in this blog are solely borne out of my misconceptions, misconstrued notions and misunderstandings.