29 June 2015

In pursuit of pseudo intellectualism

It may be a sign of an early onset of mid-life crisis or after effect of some close friends moving away, physically or symbolically. However, I am convinced that I want to spend more time knowing about my friends and the world than just hanging out at a brunch or at a bar or a club (albeit it’s always a good time). This may mean some meaningful and some pretty awkward conversations but am willing to take the risk. 

Some friends including myself blamed it on my wannabe intellectual side and another friend blamed it on my regressed hippie side but that did not stop me from my pursuit. However, when I set up a blooming tea in a kettle and lit up incense sticks for my first soiree where I asked my friends to share a literary piece that had impacted them in life and how, I could not exactly fault these claims.
I am a firm believer in conversations, connections or moments that happen organically. However, in this day and age, distractions are one too many. Hence, sometimes an external stimulus might be needed, thus explaining the pseudo in my pursuit of intellectualism. Like regular extroverts and narcissists, we all love talking about ourselves but all that mumbo jumbo barely gives away what we really think of our lives, goals and the world unless prodded and no two friends can stake claims to a great friendship without knowing these things about each other. 

It turned out that these ideas were being resonated by almost everyone in my group here in New York in some shape or form and hence the proposal to occasionally dedicate some of our time to doing, reading, exploring or learning something new in lieu or in addition to alcohol and food was actually lapped up and quite a few promised to show up for the first soiree. An outcome I was pleasantly surprised and even bit skeptical about as I thought they'd collectively prank me and not show up. 
For the first turnout, we cracked enough jokes to get the awkwardness out of the way and the icebreaker game of identifying the lie out of three supposed facts a person told about himself or herself helped set the tone for more serious discussions. And so we shared; experiences about dealing with loss, accepting failure, falling in love, coping with inability to help others and yet supporting them or giving them hope, relationships with family members, learnings for life, exact nightly hour of raging sexual drive and you could see the body language warm with each conversation as we spent hours just sitting around, doing nothing but talking and sharing. 

Everyone was willing to share a part of their lives or emotions that they had carefully bundled away in some corner for fear of exposing themselves or just out of shyness or the fact that no one ever asked. Speaking of never asking, it slowly dawned on us that none of us knew what others did for a living, whether we loved or hated our jobs or were in love with our bosses. There would be nuggets of info here and there but not a single person had piecemealed all of them together. Hence, we decided to focus on knowing what we did for a living during the next meet up as an icebreaker quiz. Turns out, the only thing we were right about what others did for a living was – we truly had no frigging clue. 

So for the next soiree with a lovely view of the Empire state, we learnt about SaaS, how companies now prefer to build things in agile fashion than undertake long drawn projects, how central banks use Forex as a means to control inflation, how a portfolio manager can do insider trading, why we find certain restaurants at all the airports, how medical patents work, how PE funds are investing in software companies, why my Facebook feed shows ads for Neiman Marcus, who’s buying all the real estate and, how members moving away physically could actually be the best thing for a networking group.We also learnt how one of us could not take a pee break at work, another actually cold called CXOs for a living, a product manager wanted to become an entrepreneur, the one creating financial modules wanted to become a product manager, how two of us pretty much did the same exact thing for a living and how one of us would rather be baking than accounting.On an aside we also got to know about friends looking for career or job changes and how some of us could actually help make a few connections.  

We then dived into more intense and personal questions and some pretty goofy stuff but I would save that for another time. I would be naïve to think that these meetups would lead to some sort of spiritual nirvana or forge the deepest connections but am pretty sure, it will lead us to understand more about each other and more importantly, create a safe microcosm to be able to freely share our frustrations, weaknesses, happiness and life goals. As in many cases, it’s the side effects that may outweigh the immediate results. I have had more conversations about books we read, poetry we enjoy, life’s philosophies in last couple of months than probably even last few years. So, here's hoping that this continues as sustained enthusiasm is what separates the more evolved of our species from lesser mortals.

14 June 2015

Ricercato, Osservato, Acquisto ! - Fashion and shopping tips learnt from my trip to Italy

My recent trip to Italy was fabulous in every way. However, before the trip, I was stressed about what to wear and pack given how well Italian women carry themselves. Hence ‘ricercato, osservato, acquisto ’ i.e. I researched, I observed, I shopped.  Here are some of the things I learnt the easy or the hard way -
  • Take clothes that will not risk you being stopped at duomos or cathedrals; as a thumb rule maybe wear clothes that at least touch your knees and cover your shoulders. I had a near escape at Milan Duomo thanks to the girl in front of me wearing a shorter skirt!
  • Carry a nice leather handbag; you are in the land of leather and iconic Italian fashion so you have no excuse
  • Pearls go with almost everything that you can or should plan to wear
  • Almost everyone in Italy wears cool glasses so feel free to wear your funkiest pair. No one even blinked at my otherwise in your face red D&G frames
  • Don't tie your scarf on your head in Italy as it’s very French; unless you are French. Throw it stylishly across your shoulders or wrap it around your neck 
  • Forget contacts, prescription sunglasses are the way to go especially if you plan to go into water
  • Italian youngsters wear leather everywhere i.e. leather jackets paired with jeans, leggings and short skirts. Something to keep in mind if and when you plan to go out
  • Don't try to compete with Italian women when it comes to walking on the cobbled streets in high heels; you've not been trained by birth 
  • In fact, do not carry any shoe that you cannot walk in as there is no getting around walking in Italy. My RL loafers, Jimmy Choo wedges and low heeled ferragamo sandals worked out just fine for me and I never once used any other heels I carried. I had also researched how Hogan sneakers (owned by Tod’s group) are all the rage in Italy and saw it firsthand.
  • Shopping in Italy is great. Period! It’s the land of iconic brands like Armani, Bvlgari, Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi, Gucci, Salvatore Ferragamo, Prada, Valentino....; so many that they can have their own alphabet.. so plan to splurge on a few of these brands if they catch your fancy! If you like outlet shopping, you may be able to find a few good deals but be ready to slum it out with other Asians !  
  • Try and find some local designers as the delight of self-discovery elevates any shopping experience. I was not sold on more popular Italian brands like Liu Jo or Pinko which are as expensive as the Italian brands you may have heard of. Instead I discovered and adored the beautiful tops and dresses from Massimo Rebecchi, shoes from Vicini (same house that owns Zanotti) and silk scarves from Massimo Ravinale.
  • While shopping for leather in Italy, no amount of research substitutes what you can deduce by look and feel. We looked into quite a few stores and distinctly found the difference in quality of leather and stitching in the shop that we eventually purchased from. Rest, time will tell!
  • Italy is probably the only place where your grocery shopping can likely exceed any clothes, accessories or shoes purchase. The pastas, sauces, mushrooms, truffles, spices, wines, mushrooms…..I could go on.
  • VAT refunds can make shopping worthwhile but expect to stand in long lines for VAT refund and preferably take cash as the return on credit card comes late and at an unfavorable exchange rate
  • Bottomline, don't pack everything you want to as you will find something even more beautiful in Italy if you are willing to look for it! 

p.s.  Let me know if there's a better Italian translation available !

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